Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
