Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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