I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
