About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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