Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
