haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize