Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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