A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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