can we get nightvision for the apartment?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
