hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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