not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize