my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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