I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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