I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
