you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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