Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
