Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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