hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
