Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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