You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
