so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize