I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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