Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
