Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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