what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
