It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
