I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
