OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need water and some morals
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
