I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Drunk is a universal language darling
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
