So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
