I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
