It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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