she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
