Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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