after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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