you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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