party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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