i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize