He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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