checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
