FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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