If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
