you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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