I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize