ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
