GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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