Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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