Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize