Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
