there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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