i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
