@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize