The maid of honor just puked.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
