thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
