I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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