Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
