You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
