we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
