Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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