Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
