Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
