i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
