Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
