Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
