I wannas sexs uuuuu
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
