just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
bring money and cleavage
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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