he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
