it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I made him laugh his dick is mine
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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