If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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